Alternative Living Arrangements – How? (Part 2)

Last week, we discussed  when is a good time to talk with our loved ones about alternative living arrangements.

This week, we’ll discuss  how to go about broaching the subject in a way that facilitates receptiveness to the idea.

Next week, we’ll talk about the  different types of alternative living arrangements.

The subject of alternative living arrangements is not an easy one to bring up.  The person with whom you are speaking may feel defensive at the suggestion that he or she may need to think about moving out of the house.  Rather than starting the conversation with something like, “Mom, if you have to move into a nursing home, which one do you want us to put you into?,” a more successful approach can be to introduce the subject in a casual and sensitive manner by following three guidelines:

Talk about other people.  Story-telling is a powerfully persuasive device.  You might say, “my friend Sue’s mom just moved into an assisted living community, and she’s really loving it.  She was surprised at how nice it is having to worry less about cooking meals and taking care of her house and is loving all the social activities and the new friends she is making.”  Or you might tell a story about how a third party did not plan in advance and is now having difficulty transitioning into an alternative living arrangement following a medical incident.

Talk first about your own concerns.  Use “I” statements to emphasize your own concern rather than focusing on what your parent should or should not do.  Instead of saying, “You obviously are having trouble taking care of yourself in the house.  You need to move somewhere before you fall and break a hip.”  You might try, “I’m worried because I can see that it’s becoming harder for you to take care of yourself here.  I wonder if that’s bothering you, too.”

Talk with your parent, not at her.  When you and your parent agrees that it’s time to look into alternative living arrangements, don’t take over and dictate every step of the process.  Your parent needs to be actively involved in the decision-making process about where she will live.  It is, after all, your parent who will be moving into a new place.  You might ask, “Do you have any ideas about the type of place you’d like to live in?”

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