Alternative Living Arrangements – When? (Part 1)

As our loved ones age, it is often necessary to begin thinking about the possibility of an alternative living arrangement. It’s admittedly a tough topic to talk or think about; an aging person, who may feel as though he or she has already had to give up some degree of independence and control, may not want to accept or ponder the possibility of changing the living arrangement that he or she has been used to for the last 70+ years.

In this week’s post, we’ll discuss when we should talk to our loved ones about alternative living arrangements. Next week, we’ll discuss how to go about broaching the topic without offending our loved one. The week after, we’ll discuss the various types of alternative living arrangements.

When should we talk to our parents about alternative living arrangements? It’s a good idea to bring up the subject in these three situations:

(1) Before a crisis

(2) Before it’s a surprise

(3) Before a small problem gets worse

Before a Crisis

Waiting until your father has experienced a broken hip from a fall, been through a month or two of physical therapy at a skilled nursing facility, and has just been issued a 48-hour discharge notice, is not an optimal time to start the discussion of alternative living arrangements. When you have to find alternative housing for your parent in the middle of a crisis, you have to deal with the stress over the lack of time, the stress of the physical or cognitive problem, the stress of an elderly person who has just gone through a medical crisis, the stress of having to choose which personal items your parent would like to transfer to the new home, and what to do with the rest of the things. In the above example, your father is capable of making his wishes known, but in situations like those following a stroke, the elderly person may not be able to communicate. The choice of an alternative living arrangement then falls on the family members, who may be unsure or in disagreement, or who may live too far away to invest the time needed for “shopping around,” or who may be too upset by the medical crisis to make sound decisions. It is very difficult to know what is best if you haven’t asked your parents in advance what they want.

Before It’s a Surprise

Usually, before seniors surprise the family by selling their house and moving to an adult community, there are signs of unrest. They may be having trouble with the bills, they may feel “lost” in a big home, or they may feel lonely if they’re isolated from social activities. When they hint around these kinds of problems, take the opportunity to talk to them about the possibility of moving to another location. Let them know that you’re open to talking about the subject.

Before a Small Problem Gets Worse

A good time to talk about housing options is when you see signs of problems that you know are only going to get worse. These signs of difficulty are often noticeable during the holidays when you return to your parents’ home and see changes that worry you. You may notice that house itself is falling into disrepair. Maybe the dishes are piled in the sink where your parents used to always keep the kitchen spotless. Or you may notice a decline in the functioning level of your parent.

There are eight areas in which some aging people need assistance – if you parent has problems in any of these areas, it may mean she is having trouble living independently: